You speak to me then you ignore me, You invite me then forget me. You see me then you avoid me. Really, how do I keep up? Really, will you ever help me read?
It’s 3:52am and I’m on mobile. I just finished writing in my planner-slash-journal and I felt like writing more. It must be the coffee I had three hours ago or my inner self being enthusiastic.
Buddy of Cake Boss is on television, I can hear my neighbors sing some heaven knows tune, and I just finished eating two chocolate wafers. There is no sign of sleepiness in my body and generally considering that this is bad, I still feel fine because hey, today’s a holiday. And we’ve got to thank Ninoy Aquino for that.
Also, it finally stopped raining after two days of pouring and floods. 80% of Metro Manila, as reported by local news, was (not is, I hope) submerged in rainwater. Our area was not really affected making us the minority that is 20% but this typhoon Maring sure is something. I hope nothing worst than this happens soon.
I don’t know where this blog post is headed so if you’ve reached reading this far then I am sorry for wasting roughly two minutes of your life. Or three minutes if you’re a slow reader. Hahaha. If it’s any consolation, I just want to share that I am happy. Know how shitty I was feeling the past few months but it’s great that situations have turned around. Not a complete 360 but everything seems better now. Really, I’m just glad and proud that I am able to handle things in a more early 20s way. Work kind of sucks though but that’s work. Work usually sucks especially if you want it to. Family situations are good and my personal life is just awesome. To put things into a little more detail, let’s just say that I had a really nice weekend with the boy I like. Dinner, drinks, and a lot of conversation; quite ideal if you ask me. Plus It feels great knowing how well we are when we’re together. It’s comfortable, it’s fun, and I like it.
Anyway, I just had to blabber those thoughts out. Buddy’s out and I don’t know what this TV show is. I’m also thinking of eating another pack of wafer but I don’t know, we’ll see.
So I guess it’s time to end and publish this entry. Thank you WordPress and Jesus bless you, technology. Good night!
I can’t stop listening to Beck this week. I’ve been a fan for quite a long time already but revisiting music you haven’t heard for months or even years is way too rewarding sometimes. It’s like hanging out with an old friend and knowing that despite the missed years, good things still remain.
And this Beck single, so brilliantly arranged. ❤
In other life news, I’m at work and I can’t seem to type anything in that goddamn MS Word file. I don’t think it’s writer’s block. It’s just meh.
Also, I’ve been thinking of waaaay too many things right now. Work, personal life, career steps. It’s crazy, I’ve been staying awake in bed thinking of projects and decisions that will either make or break. Not sure if that’s healthy or unhealthy but it helps me keep sane and on track of how life should progress. Maybe I should write them down? Okay? Okay.
I’ve also been thinking of settling things clear with somebody. Another move that can either make or break. It’s tad scary to do and I might lose so maybe I would have to pass. He’s vague but he’s still keeping me happy anyway. I think that will work for now.
Isn’t it funny how you can say you love me after all the mess. After all the trouble, and after all the mistakes. I’m over now and there’s no way I’m turning back. I can try but it’s going to be another dirty puddle, the one I’d avoid, the one I’d hate.
It’s best if we keep our mouths shut and our hearts closed. Let’s stay casual, unromantic, and mum. No more sensationalizing, no more memories. I want to be okay and I’d love to stay that way.
I hate listening to your music. I hate listening to the songs I know you’re part of. I hate remembering how music, whether it was yours or not, was a bond between us. And I hate how one wrong shuffle can lead me to you and to everything we were.
It’s hard to push the stop button and move on because you’re good, you’re entertaining, you’re great. It’s hard to push the stop button because every beat leads me to something, a certain feeling from before. And I hate knowing how amazing you are with your craft but not, or even never, with me.
I guess I’ll get this every time even when things turn out casually okay. Because music is music and it will linger in one’s soul every waking chance. At least I have your music to listen to when I know I’ll never hear your voice, your words, directed at me.
Article by Don Jaucian / Photo by Mayee Azarcon Gonzales
Here’s the published photo from the shoot I did with Up Dharma Down for PhilStar Supreme. It was a quick shoot since we were just stealing rehearsal time from the band but I’m pretty happy how the photos turned out. There are also band portraits which I can hopefully post soon.
Also, I may not be good when it comes to gushing about my feelings but you know me and my seven-year old love for UDD, so I guess you have an idea on how happy I am to be able to do this.
Thank you, Don! Thank you, Up Dharma Down! ❤
And do not forget, CAPACITIES album launch is tomorrow!!! The four-year wait is over so I will see you there! ❤
I am bidding August good bye with a plethora of emotions I cannot define. Lately has been “magulo”, as how I tell my friends and even family. “Basta magulo” was my default answer to things I cannot explain and things I just have and want to let go. Not the best answer, I know, but sometimes it’s all I’ve got to place things into the rightful and vague position I want them to be.
I finished that paragraph with a heavy sigh and a realization that not all relationships can work out the way you want them to be.
I’m just glad that I’m pretty busy right now. I have also been lacking more sleep but I go quite well with it (hey, I’ve been lacking sleep since college!) At least it takes my mind off things I don’t need to understand. I know it’s not the best way to let go of issues one has but it’s the most plausible step I have now. Forget, let go, and move forward. Sounds like a plan!
I’m not in my best state but I guess I’m happy. Mount Analogue has been doing gigs again plus I’ve been jamming with The Strangeness lately. I’ll also be doing some back-up vocals with Dr. Strangeluv this Saturday at Attraction! Reaction! Art Confidential and I’m left psyched about it. Work with Lomography has been crazy, too! All those articles and e-mails. And oh, I got hired by Stache Magazine as one of their photographers a few weeks ago. The vibe so far is awesome since everyone is so welcoming. Funny that my first assignment with them was a cover shoot with well, The Strangeness boys whom I dearly love. You should check out the issue HERE! It was released last Saturday.
Too many food in my plate? Yeah, but I know they all could be worked out.
Anyway, I’m just stealing minutes from the office so I’ll be leaving you with some photos. Soon!