I hate listening to your music. I hate listening to the songs I know you’re part of. I hate remembering how music, whether it was yours or not, was a bond between us. And I hate how one wrong shuffle can lead me to you and to everything we were.
It’s hard to push the stop button and move on because you’re good, you’re entertaining, you’re great. It’s hard to push the stop button because every beat leads me to something, a certain feeling from before. And I hate knowing how amazing you are with your craft but not, or even never, with me.
I guess I’ll get this every time even when things turn out casually okay. Because music is music and it will linger in one’s soul every waking chance. At least I have your music to listen to when I know I’ll never hear your voice, your words, directed at me.
Article by Don Jaucian / Photo by Mayee Azarcon Gonzales
Here’s the published photo from the shoot I did with Up Dharma Down for PhilStar Supreme. It was a quick shoot since we were just stealing rehearsal time from the band but I’m pretty happy how the photos turned out. There are also band portraits which I can hopefully post soon.
Also, I may not be good when it comes to gushing about my feelings but you know me and my seven-year old love for UDD, so I guess you have an idea on how happy I am to be able to do this.
Thank you, Don! Thank you, Up Dharma Down! <3
And do not forget, CAPACITIES album launch is tomorrow!!! The four-year wait is over so I will see you there! <3
I am bidding August good bye with a plethora of emotions I cannot define. Lately has been “magulo”, as how I tell my friends and even family. “Basta magulo” was my default answer to things I cannot explain and things I just have and want to let go. Not the best answer, I know, but sometimes it’s all I’ve got to place things into the rightful and vague position I want them to be.
I finished that paragraph with a heavy sigh and a realization that not all relationships can work out the way you want them to be.
I’m just glad that I’m pretty busy right now. I have also been lacking more sleep but I go quite well with it (hey, I’ve been lacking sleep since college!) At least it takes my mind off things I don’t need to understand. I know it’s not the best way to let go of issues one has but it’s the most plausible step I have now. Forget, let go, and move forward. Sounds like a plan!
I’m not in my best state but I guess I’m happy. Mount Analogue has been doing gigs again plus I’ve been jamming with The Strangeness lately. I’ll also be doing some back-up vocals with Dr. Strangeluv this Saturday at Attraction! Reaction! Art Confidential and I’m left psyched about it. Work with Lomography has been crazy, too! All those articles and e-mails. And oh, I got hired by Stache Magazine as one of their photographers a few weeks ago. The vibe so far is awesome since everyone is so welcoming. Funny that my first assignment with them was a cover shoot with well, The Strangeness boys whom I dearly love. You should check out the issue HERE! It was released last Saturday.
Too many food in my plate? Yeah, but I know they all could be worked out.
Anyway, I’m just stealing minutes from the office so I’ll be leaving you with some photos. Soon!
If there’s somebody who gets LSS (Last Song Syndrome) every-insert-curse-here-time, then that would be me. Play me a track, whether good or bad and it’s sure to stay on my head for quite a while. Gaddam, I had Alvedon’s theme song stuck in my head for two days.
But don’t worry, I also acquire good LSS. By good I mean songs that I actually like. A couple of weeks ago I re member waking up to Bon Iver’s Skinny Love. From my bed until I reached work, I was singing along to that song. No complaints though, I love that guy. There was also a time that I found myself involuntarily singing to The Beatles’ I’m Only Sleeping since I heard Dr. Strangeluv‘s cover of it. It was very very nice.
And for the month of July, I had too many songs stuck in my head. Those that I’d gladly sing anytime anywhere, and those that had the most plays via Last.fm and my ever trusty iPod. I came to realize that these tracks are really good (heck, they are favorites!) and I’d love to share them out here.
I was supposed to create a Soundcloud set but uploading eight tracks take around four hours. Too long for an impatient panda like me so I opted for the next best thing… Youtube. Lol. Here ya go!
1. Charlotte Gainsbourg; Voyage – who would have thought that Stephanie (from The Science of Sleep) could actually sing so well? IRM’s a beautiful album, everyone.
2. Sonic Youth; Unmade Bed – always and forever will be a fan of Sonic Youth. I might be cheating because I’ve only listened to five of their albums but Unmade Bed, whenever I give it a listen, never fails to enjoy. Love yew, Thurston and Kim.
3. Wild Nothing; This Chain Won’t Break - well this one’s fresh! Nocturne, the brand new album from Wild Nothing is a pure gem. I adore every track but this one stands out for me (hmm, for now). Most probably because of the 80′s feel? Yeah, most probably.
4. The Charmes; It’s Your Heart I Don’t Trust – I’ve known these guys for around four years already and having to watch their live sets
so many times left me knowing most of their songs before their debut album came out. This one’s different, though. I’ve only heard of this song once I’ve got hold of their album and it’s definitely a favorite. No Youtube link though, so here’s another good one, their latest single, Leave the Lights Off. (subtle advertisement… see what I did there? HAHA.)
5. Ciudad; Due Dates - another release from our favorite Ciudaddies! Track 1 from Follow the Leader makes you want to hear more. And man, I just wanna march along to this song! Can’t wait to hear it live this coming Attraction! Reaction! At First Sight.
6. Frank Ocean; Lost – honestly, I have never heard of this guy until he released his debut album, Channel Orange. Let’s just say that some Frank Ocean Twitter hype made me download this record and give it a spin. It was no mistake, though! His music’s brilliant and Lost is just lovely. I kind of assume this will be a single soon.
7. Tennis; Marathon - first, the bass line is gorgeous. Second, Alaina Moore’s voice is lovely and effortless. And three, Tennis started during a seven-month sailing expedition by married couple Alaina and Patrick Riley. Guess three reasons are enough? YAY!
8. Fleet Foxes; White Water Hymnal – I’ve “heard” of Fleet Foxes for a long time already but I never gave them a chance. Yeah, I downloaded Helplessness Blues but it just stayed there, on my iTunes, waiting to be played. That’s a bad decision, really! If I only knew that this band sounded this awesome, then they had been one of my music staples for quite a long time already. Especially with this track that I just love. Perfect for our current stormy and cold weather. <3
So that’s it! I was thinking of doing this as a monthly thing especially that my LSS is a daily thing. Haha, self. But let’s see. You know, time is always a battle for me.
Anyway! To bid July good bye and cheer August hello, I leave you with a photo of me and my cat named Nika taken during last Sunday night’s terrible weather. Mraowr.
I dreamt of you last night, or maybe it was this morning. It wasn’t beautiful. It was a nightmare, actually, but it doesn’t disturb much.
You were with your girl, you were holding hands and her eyes were at me, judging every particle of myself from head to toe. It wasn’t pleasant at all. I wanted to run but couldn’t. If it’s any consolation, your girl was horrible. She wasn’t even a bit of your type but you were there, in front of me, with her. She was loud, rude, and clumsy. She was the type I’d hate even if you weren’t together.
I took one last look at the both of you and the crowd you were with. The whole scene wasn’t me at all. It was the exact opposite. I lingered for a while and left.
All of these I remembered over coffee this afternoon. Maybe I’ll get my closure some time.
Here goes another entry telling you why I’ve been away and what has conspired lately. I hate missing blog posts but sometimes I just forget about writing in an actual blog like this. Twitter, that awesome micro-blogging site has been my vague-ranting-outlet for the past few months. Not in a bad way actually but it distresses myself in some strange way.
Life has been good, life has been shit. Well I guess that’s what life about is — a roller coaster you would soon have to accept. I’ve been pretty busy with work and some gigs, the usual things I’ve been up to, you see. I’m happy the way it is despite all the crazy relationships in between.
Nah, this isn’t purely about love. It’s about making choices and knowing your limitations. About everything in general, actually. I don’t know if this is what mature feels like but I’m pretty sure a part of it is.
I’ve decided to keep myself mum lately. “Answer only when asked”, that was my principle for the past couple of weeks. I also figured that things, no matter how bad they are, will all pass especially when you face them with utmost courage. Not that I’m strong or too proud to keep myself shut, it’s just that there are things I’d rather put a small deal at because I know they will all end soon. But yeah, it’s hard because a friend with a good listening ear is one of the best comforts you could ever have. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what I’ve been needing all the time. An ear that understands and a mouth that tells you what is right and what is wrong. I’m thankful because I have friends (and bandmates!) who does that for me.
I’m okay, really. I’m always okay. Haha. Just a few rides I need to take with stride and confidence. Anyway, attached are some film photographs just because I really haven’t been posting some work lately.
P.S. I have a new cat whom I’ve adopted from our office manager very aptly named Kat. Just can’t live without a feline nowadays!
I have done so many things for the first time this past week, physically and emotionally wise. I have always believed in taking risks because like how that famous online thing goes; ‘You Only Live Once’ is quite true.
They say I’m courageous and always on the go, like yes was a noun I was never afraid of saying. I would like to believe that’s real and that my intelligence and emotional quotient are always intact on the occurrences I would have to face. But sometimes being brave is not enough especially when you’ve gone through so much. It’s true that past experiences change ones’ present self but it’s up to you if you will let them make you stronger or weaker — that’s the basis of how you move on from a hurtful experience. Do you let yourself live or do you cease your capabilities of breathing?
I don’t know if I have turned more mature that’s why I am able to do so many things for the first time without regretting myself after. Of course a lot of thought plays in my head before doing a certain action but I suppose that it’s just like exercising your brain cells – you think until you get tired and frustrated that you would just have to stop and decide. It’s a challenge but it’s also a wise risk you’ll soon thank yourself for doing.
I joined a 10 kilometer push race the other day which I have never thought of doing before. I’ve been riding a longboard for two years now but I always end up wounding myself after trying different courses and tricks. But I’m glad I joined the race and reached the finish line without booboos. It feels rewarding and I might just do it again soon.
But before that physical activity, I had to tell someone about my feelings. I was afraid and not sure if I should have said it months ago or should have let it wait. I still don’t have my answer but I’m certain that there are no regrets. I thought that doing it was a bad decision but I realized that it’s actually good. I’ve let it all out now so I would just have to wait. Relationships aren’t always about getting quick answers; it’s a lot of waiting, I tell you. And anyway, I don’t want to live with ‘what if’s’ for the rest of my life. Curiosity killed the cat and I’m the cat who wants to live a good nine lives.
These are just the highlights of the past week. There are more that aren’t really worth of putting into writing (or blogging) but those rides were crazy, scary, but heap of good breathes to take.
Currently, my life decisions have mostly been “let’s see how it goes” and “just go for it”. It’s risky and may end up hurtful but you’ll never know life unless you play with it. This is coming from a 21 year-old who has been broken and resurrected. It’s not enough I know, but it’s something to move along.
Keep your days stronger and your life worth living for. It’s all you have to live.